Phrases that need hip acronyms

 

These will be updated as we decide on other stuff that we’d really like to see abbreviated.

 

The first version of the list has our top 9)


 

1. Just so you know: JSYK. Or the more offensive JSUK (we’re open to either)


 

2. Hold on a minute, I am at the break and it is so loud: HOAMIAATBAIISL


 

3. Be there in a second: BTIAS


 

4. Can’t answer the phone, I’m effing somebody: We actually don’t think we should abbreviate this one. We’d prefer to see it actually written out as often as possible.


 

5. University of Nevada, Las Vegas : GAY


 

6. Ewww, look inside. Really everything is like leaking yellow!: ELI REILLY


 

7. Your mom is fat: YMIF


 

8. Mom I’d like to fuck: BUT YOU NEVER WILL. Really stop dreaming. Also, how much do you really want to fuck someone’s mom? I get that it would be sweet if she made you like cookies and stuff afterwards but if its your friends mom she probably would have done that anyway.


 

 

9. We’re breaking up. It’s not you its me. I just feel like we’re past the honeymoon stage and the magic is gone. Its like im going this way and then bam, you’re like totally going the other way. Y’know? Oh and yes I am banging your roommate: WBU. INUIM. IJFLWPTHSATMIG. ILIGTWATB, YLTGTOW. Y’K? OAYIABYR.


 

It’s wordy we know, but breakups are often long and painful. With all crying and the carrying on, the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” “I thought we were supposed to grow old together”. “What about when you told me that one thing at my parent’s house the day after Easter.” You know the drill. Anyway, using our special “alphabet message” you can just go ahead and save yourself the pain. She’ll probably think you’re saying something sweet anyway (until he/she gets the accompanying picture message).

Things to do at the University of Nevada before you graduate

1. Take a picture on the howling wolf statue outside of Mackay Stadium. The climb is tough and a little uneven, but the view is great. And the picture will be epic.

2. Do a round of shots (plural) with your friends and head on over to that 5:30 class. Not only will the teacher be 10 times as funny, but the guy next to you makes for an excellent vomit receptacle.

3. Swim to the bottom of Manzanita Lake. There’s treasure down there! Just kidding, that’s gross. And you will probably die.

4. Visit all the every all-you-can-eat events put on by Greeks. This means D-Hop, Sausage Fest, SKetti Night, The Great Salmonella Cook Out… just remember to drink before hand. Otherwise, the lines are unbearable and you’re in a Greek house. Lose-Lose.

5. Rush the field at Mackay Stadium after a big win (preferably UNLV). Its always a challenge to avoid getting trampled while drunk. There is also no greater sense of campus-community hugging and jumping up and down with the stranger next to you wearing a FUNLV shirt.

6. Go back to the dorm room you had freshman year and make new friends. Bring a six pack as a peace offering. You’d be surprised how much it hasn’t changed.

7. Go to the Planetarium and see Darkside of the Moon.. that shit is trippy.

8. Attend campus events. You pay something like $5 a credit to your student government (It’s called ASUN) so all the free stuff they do.. barbecues, t-shirts, rallies, awkward rides with Campus Escort… you already paid for. Get your money’s worth.

9. Visit Lake Tahoe. I’m not talking about going to the ski resorts to shred the gnar pow-pow. I mean that crystal clear, blue and  beautiful bounty of water.  Just watch out for Tahoe Tessie. I heard she bites. Big time.

10. How many times can you hear this one:  learn the fuckin’ Fight Song. It rhymes so it’s not that hard.

11. Carve your name in a desk some where in the Knowledge Center. The place still doesn’t even look used! We lost a lot of history when we moved from Getchell, so it’s time for you to make your mark. No pun intended. Or was it?

The Perks of Being Persian

The Greeks. No not the ones with gods and goddesses who just opened up that nice feta cheese restaurant in the union, we’re talking about the ones with no gods who just opened up a 40 in the union. However, as tooly/douchey as some of them are, you have to admire their camaraderie and the way they all have their own little groups with their own little labels and activities. Also apparently they have families (either that or those sadistic bastards just make fun of all the fat ones by calling them “big”).
But we know more than most that from time to time, everyone feels a little bit of Greek envy. Like when you’re best friends are out of town and you want to go out? Greeks can just grab whoever is around and chalk it up to bonding. Or maybe you’re slogging through some hellish poly-sci paper and you know that son of a gun who sits behind you in Sigma Nu is just going to pull their report out of some filing cabinet, change the first paragraph, and have themselves a night of Street Fighter 4. We’ve all been there. But you know what? Greeks get jealous of you too.

You know why? Because you’re Persian. That’s right Persian.

You aren’t Greek, and so Peloponnesian logic says you must be Persian. Don’t worry about the fact that you have more body hair and it looks like you lose at the end of “300”. You’ve got stuff to be proud of. Stuff, that is listed below:
The perks of being Persian:

1. Our Monday nights are always free.
2. There’s no need to pretend you like Kappa Alpha Theta just because they are your partners during Greek Week. Feel free to dislike them as much as you please.
3. No anal rape. Ever.
4. I can have my chicken cooked however I like. (Well done usually).
5. Do I do any charity? Fuck no. However I would like to bust a watermelon every so often.
6. I’ve never moved into a house that wasn’t mine.
7. Way easier to slide under the radar when totally shit faced at games (Greek letters are a red flag at this school).
8. Never have to talk to Turtle Massey. Oh wait neither do you. High five!
9. As a man I’m free to grow my facial hair in any manner I please. Not just the chin goatee chops combo.
10. All of your friends are free.
11. If there’s a douche bag who no one likes, you don’t have to hang out with them.
12. I don’t have to put out at a dance. As a man I have the right to say no (I wouldn’t but y’know, I could).

Cold again? Son of a gun

The following is a thank you letter to Reno:

Dear Reno,

I just want to thank you for getting cold again today. When the temperature went up to 72 yesterday I was pissed. As you know, the only thing college students hate more than going outside and being in the sun is being tricked into going out in the sun for one short short day, getting in the warm weather mindset, and then waking up to find snow on the ground the next day.

Really, why would you be warm for one day? Why show us girls in tank tops and shorts? We don’t want to see that. I like my women like I like my members of the rebel alliance in the beginning of episode V. Bundled up, frost bitten, and preferably stuffed in a Tauntaun. Also, I was starting to get a tan yesterday. Hello!? Who wants to look good? Not this guy. The more days out of the year I look like a character from corpse bride the better. Although in fairness, I loved how you made all of the flowers and buds bloom on the trees yesterday, just to make them freeze off and fall to the ground; dead, twisted, and losing hope. That’s showing those over eager campus trees whose boss. It was even better than the time Mark Fox said he planned on “Remaining at Nevada a long time.”, and then bounced out to Georgia less than 40 days later. Nothing makes me smile like false hope.

Look Reno, I know you don’t mean to have schizophrenic weather, you can’t help it. I know you wouldn’t have summer one day and winter the next. But then you probably wouldn’t be the only city over 200,000 people without an Einstein’s Bagels, Urban Outfitters or a Fazoli’s (but an unconscionable amount of 7-11’s and meth labs). But look, these are all things you can’t help and I’m okay with it. That’s what makes you you. You’re a little confused about your size and maybe what season it is, but dammit you go all out for whatever you’re doing and appreciate it. So, although it is mid-April, and the rest of the Northern half of the world agrees its time to stop snowing, go ahead and snow if that’s really what you feel like you should be doing with your life right now.

With Love,
The SpaceSuit

P.S. On the real though, all of this extra snow is keeping me indoors and actually concentrated on homework for at least a little while longer. Plus, the more you keep snowing, the less ski-boarders I’m going to have to deal with at the Break on Thursday.