Why wouldn’t Gibbons come out and play with us?

Over 400 students turned out to the capital on Tuesday to protest the budget cuts, announced in Governor Gibbon’s State of the State address.   The area in front of the capitol was packed.  However, one person was missing, our esteemed Governor Gibbons.  Apparently he was hiding in his office.  Now, he claims to care about nothing more than his constituents and the people in the good state of Nevada so what could have been keeping him?  It obviously must have been something good and we have some ideas what it could have been.  Normally this would be a top 10 list, but in honor of everything getting cut we decided to make it a Top 16(also we could only think of 16 things that made us laugh).  So here they are: the Top 16 things Gibbons was doing while he was hiding from the student protestors outside the capital on Tuesday:

Thanks for nothin!

16. Showing everyone how the months of hard work have paid off and he’s FINALLY  learned to Soldja Boy

15. Trying to figure out how to tell people that we’re missing money for higher education because he invested a lot of it with Bernie “sure thing” Madoff.

14. Checking his rankings on Compare People

13. Putting on his Snuggie so he can answer the phone without getting too cold.

12. Actually hiding.  We think maybe he was actually playing a game of hide and seek with his staff and the legislature.  If we had to guess we’d say Bob Beers is “it”.

11. Reading today’s Dilbert comic and shitting himself laughing.

10. Making the Flintstones car out of two eaten push-pops cones

9. Throwing darts at a picture of Jim Rogers.

8 Not implementing a 3% income tax (which is still less than what most other states pay), that would double the money we’re short on the budget.

7. Trying to finally beat “Frosty Village” in silver coin mode on Diddy Kong Racing.

6. Christy Mazzeo (his mistress, get it?)

5. Trying to figure how come whenever he says “that’s what she said.”, no one ever laughs and just looks at him really uncomfortably.

4.. Watching a Chinese boot-legged version of High School Musical 3 and constantly rewinding to the part with Zac Efron and his black friend dancing in the Junk yard.

3.. Looking at Vibe, wishing he could have candy paint on the Governor’s limo

2. Waiting to jump out and say “boo”

1. Crying while he drinks wine and listens to the theme song from cheers

Overheard at Nevada? Or Overexposed To Paint Chips As A Child?

So we are big fans of the FaceBook group “Overheard at Nevada” because it’s funny. We know, everyone says stupid things. Word vomit happens , people.

So, go ahead and post about it http://www.facebook.com/wall.php?id=8050649586&page=2&hash=2843662c85417bd0825599f44b7ff4e6#/group.php?gid=8050649586.

Get out all your anger.

But that’s not our problem. We’d really like to talk about an issue that is plaguing this FaceBook group. It’s called being retarded. The point of this is to be snipey and mean. It’s not your fault they are dumb, however it is your fault for not executing it.

Now, you’ve forced this upon me. I have to talk about you for talking poorly about someone else. This is a vicious world my friends.

Examples of funny:

1.  On the comment board in the DC:

“Can you get soy milk because I’m lactose AND tolerant”

2.    “Hi Dad, I’m just calling to tell you that I’m drunk. I hit a car, and I’m going to jail.”

Spoken very matter-of-factly by a 19 year old girl who had just totaled my roommate’s car on Evans (I’m counting that as campus) at 2:30 am.

3.  Girl Roomate 1: “Are you wearing my letters?”

Girl Roomate 2: “Yeah, you let me borrow them before we stopped talking.”

4. Me: “Have you voted yet in the ASUN election”

Person: “I am not a citizen” or “I am not registered to vote”

5.  “I don’t get why kids are running for President. It’s not like they’re gonna beat Glick or something. He’s like, old.” -Getchell Library

6. Girl #1: I really hope ATO doesn’t lose their charter.

Girl #2: Wait. Why would they lose TV?

Now that you laughed out loud for those little tidbits, we’d like to share with you some don’ts.

WARNING: These are awful. Like, you won’t even as much crack a smile reading these.

1. Women’s studies class, looking at anorexic chick in magazine ad

Professor: “what does she look like? Her pose, what does it say?”
Some answers: “she’s looks submissive.” “she looks tired.” etc
Me: “She looks hungry.”

First of all, the number one rule of posting is not talking about yourself. Especially if you aren’t funny.

2. White girl to friend in Hilliard Plaza: “Dude, I’m so Mexican I have gas when I *don’t* eat beans.”

Racial jokes… pretty racy and debatably offensive. But more importantly, not funny.

3. Two girls on treadmills at Lombardi:

1: “So does it take up a lot of your time, shopping for baby food?”
2: “Umm, it’s just one of those things you hafta do, I guess…”

I wouldn’t say childbirth in college is funny… more so mortifying.

4. Three girls at unr in the quiet study area in the library

girl 1:- Small world! me and _____ were just talking about prom the other night!
girl 2:- Yeah, we were saying that we used to hate getting our of our dresses and putting on sweats or jeans for the after party because it pretty much means the night’s over.
girl 3:- ………. What about SEX?

i just about DIED laughing

It’s not UNR, it’s NEVADA, so it’s automatically not funny. Additionally, self proclaiming your post as hilarious, not funny.

5. One girl to her friend in front of student services building

“don’t worry, it’s reno. who needs a bra anyway?”

Hey, that’s just a fact of life, sister.

So that my friends, is how it is done. There are a lot of people on this campus

(and half of them are here because they got that millennium scholarship for a 3.0 in the 49^th ranked state in education in the country)

so there is plenty of material to work with.