A. We took 3 weeks off to honor the 2043rd anniversary of the death of Julius Caesar on the Ides of March

B. Kicked in the juke box at the Wal and have been working two jobs to pay it off.

C.  Following my father’s diary in a quest for the Holy Grail with my friends Salah and Marcus.

D. I had custody of my 3 illegitimate children.

E.  Caring way too much about the ASUN election.

F. Chat Roulette.

G. We were detained in Cancun for charges we can’t legally mention without an attorney present.

H. Following the Nevada Basketball team in all of their post season endeavors.  Oh wait, that was over two weeks ago…never mind.

I. Carefully analyzing health care reform.  Wait you see through my lies?  Ok I found my old Sega Genesis and got really lost in Sonic 2.

J. Building a vision board so that Colin Kaepernick will talk to me JUST ONCE

K. Going through every possible 775 number and texting “Hey Kap”.  I’m going to get the right one eventually. Yes, two devoted to my love of Kap.

L.  Rehab.

M. Spending my time as the only white kid in “The Center”

N. Because we’re lazy and we didn’t want to do it.  What are you gonna stop paying us to entertain you?

O. Following Justin Beiber around America. Hellooooo Beiber Fever.

P. Crying about Reno’s crazy weather patterns on my FB page. Oh wait, that was you. And it’s really annoying.  SO STOP.

R.  Busy getting sexually assaulted by Ben Rothlesberger

S. Longest. Pee. Ever

T. Storing up on Peeps and Shamrock Shakes. Those bitches are only come around once a year.

U.  Using Foursquare to become the mayor of the Wal.

V. Non-stop push ups.  I’m now the butchiest girl on campus.

W. Ummm…. would I lose all my street cred if I said homework?

X. Getting all my eating in.  If I wanna be skinny by summer the anorexia has to start now.

Y. Waxing this guy’s counters and painting his fences.  I know it seems like a waste of a month, but if it really does help me take down those mother fuckers at Cobra Chai it will all be worth it.

Z. Marathoning the first 6 seasons of Full House.  And if that’s a crime you can call me a violent repeat offender.

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In Mackay We Trust

May 3, 2009

Alright, so there was no ASUN kegs, no games in Manzanita Lake and definitely no short shorts. But it was still a great week because students actually.. you know.. showed up.

Over 400 students turned out to the capital on Tuesday to protest the budget cuts, announced in Governor Gibbon’s State of the State address.   The area in front of the capitol was packed.  However, one person was missing, our esteemed Governor Gibbons.  Apparently he was hiding in his office.  Now, he claims to care about nothing more than his constituents and the people in the good state of Nevada so what could have been keeping him?  It obviously must have been something good and we have some ideas what it could have been.  Normally this would be a top 10 list, but in honor of everything getting cut we decided to make it a Top 16(also we could only think of 16 things that made us laugh).  So here they are: the Top 16 things Gibbons was doing while he was hiding from the student protestors outside the capital on Tuesday:

Thanks for nothin!


16. Showing everyone how the months of hard work have paid off and he’s FINALLY  learned to Soldja Boy

15. Trying to figure out how to tell people that we’re missing money for higher education because he invested a lot of it with Bernie “sure thing” Madoff.

14. Checking his rankings on Compare People

13. Putting on his Snuggie so he can answer the phone without getting too cold.

12. Actually hiding.  We think maybe he was actually playing a game of hide and seek with his staff and the legislature.  If we had to guess we’d say Bob Beers is “it”.

11. Reading today’s Dilbert comic and shitting himself laughing.

10. Making the Flintstones car out of two eaten push-pops cones

9. Throwing darts at a picture of Jim Rogers.

8 Not implementing a 3% income tax (which is still less than what most other states pay), that would double the money we’re short on the budget.

7. Trying to finally beat “Frosty Village” in silver coin mode on Diddy Kong Racing.

6. Christy Mazzeo (his mistress, get it?)

5. Trying to figure how come whenever he says “that’s what she said.”, no one ever laughs and just looks at him really uncomfortably.

4.. Watching a Chinese boot-legged version of High School Musical 3 and constantly rewinding to the part with Zac Efron and his black friend dancing in the Junk yard.

3.. Looking at Vibe, wishing he could have candy paint on the Governor’s limo

2. Waiting to jump out and say “boo”

1. Crying while he drinks wine and listens to the theme song from cheers